divorce lawyers i shaved my head

by jordaan mason and the horse museum

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    "divorce lawyers i shaved my head" is 10 years old on june 6, 2019! to celebrate, the album has been reissued as a limited edition double LP in a gatefold jacket with slightly redesigned cover artwork and a completely redesigned interior to include all of the lyrics.

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wandered around small towns in the middle of the night until the feet stung and swelled; woke up in hospitals after black-outs; fell in love with a boy but a girl but a boy but a girl; thought long about what is that thing between my legs; shaved my head. no identity, now.

then a lot of us started singing, banging, breaking. what was once a single voice grew into many. one broke an arm, one wrote a book, one kept bees, two were bashed, two finished degrees, more & more came in and out of rooms. after many more black-outs and long nights hollering until the throat stung, we had 'divorce lawyers i shaved my head,' an album that amalgamates sexual histories into a story about a failed marriage between two people of confused genders and identities taking place during a glandolinian war in 1990.


released June 6, 2009

T H E H O R S E M U S E U M :

dee addario (vox, banjo, cough)
jason aviss (trombone)
sarah ayton (vox, piano, accordion)
kristina born (flute)
shaun brodie (trumpet)
cheryl ernst (vox, bass clarinet, clarinet)
tara fillion (hand-claps)
cory harper-latkovich (cello)
kate larson (vox, hand-claps)
richard laviolette (vox)
jordaan mason (vox/illiteracy, guitar, singing saw, bowed cymbal, banjo [6], accordion [12], percussion, hand-claps, noise/tapes, music box)
jason "sticks" mccrimmon (drums/percussion, dulcimer)
jiaqing wilson-yang (upright bass, floor creaks)

"divorce lawyers i shaved my head" was recorded/mixed by bryar gray & jordaan mason at the oxford hotel, bryar's house, and st. george the martyr church (all in toronto) from december 2007 - march 2009, except "o jarhead! o wife!" which was recorded/mixed by mat vuksinich at das gasthaus in arcata, california in may 2007. the songs were written by jordaan & arranged by the horse museum. the album art was photographed & designed by tara fillion.

in various stages our band grew and shrank, and other members not present on this recording include matt gordon, bryar gray, keith hamilton, d. alex meeks, jordan "o'jordan" smith, matt ross, dan scarfone, dylan taylor, and simon thrasher.

although the horse museum is no longer working as a collective group, all of us are still active in other endeavours.

if you like this album and also care about the well-being of dogs, consider buying this comp which features a stripped-down version of the song "wild dogs: divorce!"


all rights reserved



jordaan mason Toronto, Ontario

a confused human being singing songs about being a confused human being (they/them).

note to listeners: if you would like a digital download but can't afford it, just get in touch at the contact link below & i will get you a download code, no questions asked. if you like the music i want you to have it, so please get in touch.

linktree below to find social media, merch, other fun things. xo!
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Track Name: bird's nest
my mouth is filled with his ovaries.
i hold them, here: between my teeth.
o (dentist) get these birds nests out of me!
(my body is not big enough)
how do you fertilize what cannot be?
Track Name: organs for oceans
he slept in my bed after i filled his body w/
insects &
panic &
grandfather sewn seeds
i was useless inside him!
trade organs for oceans!
is there a vaccine for this
to clean out all the unborn kids?
(a whole graveyard here in this bed)
he broke me good where the landlord left scars
emptied all the bedrooms to reclaim the stretch marks
we were to our throats in grass!
we tore down the treehouses!
& our brothers were kindling
for the lovesongs that we couldn't sing
because we drowned all our songs in the bathtub
(you could hear them way up in the rafters)
& the preachers sleeping in the attic stole them all for scriptures
so we sing nothing, now
our mothers ask us how
we pray with the lights out
for songs to fill our mouths
Track Name: avalanches
if snow is flesh in gardens: we don't have mouths to talk about it
between avalanches: we can find our language
between fire blankets: we can speak our language
but if snow is like skin then it pulls away so easy, dragged from the body
what if all stripped wood is branches and all frozen lakes are water?
then our bodies will be avalanches
Track Name: racehorse: get married!
you fuck like a racehorse! it's your wedding day, say: yes
you want to be pollinated, frays of friction far too sacred
we survive between our hunger, dig our heads into the water
memorize your casket your mother patterns
the space between your legs
i grab what's good of you
you pluck fruit from my endless head
re-arrange them to make your salt sweat
bite snakes down for better shelter
fridge your orgasm make it colder
we put our blood in bags we don't want water &
you hold me close inside the slaughter
you look so much better without that shit in your hair
i mean: saddles if you need them, but i could ride you bare
you can swallow shotguns if you want to
there are bullets in your paintings, if you want them
there are hooks to hang your kill
there are floodboards rising upwards
fields our fathers fled from, and bedrooms we don't dare go to
i would like a word with you!
you can swallow shotguns if you want to
and you can shed the lions from your songs
take the blankets off! show me under your clothes
the tattoos you don't have but believe me:
your body knows!
you can swallow shotguns if you want to
it's your wedding day, say: yes
say: aprons or rifles, anarchist?
sleep in the slaughterhouses?
quilts quiet made from our spit?
i am letting
(you are better wild my arms are coming out)
Track Name: the wrong parts (vivian sisters singing)
i'm sharing this bed with seven sisters & you
i'm holding a baseball bat between us
the soldiers are coming!
& there's an illiteracy between our legs
where parts of me are you and parts of you are me
i'm wearing the costumes of children
so i can confuse, become them
but how do you know what's underneath
what kind of creature is in me?
there's an illiteracy between our legs
(i've tried to ignore it)
this part that part which part both parts
please say wrong parts which word safe word
"do you have a safe word?”
"i don't have a safe word!”
she shows me a constellation
of bites and marks i've left on her body
of bruises from the way we share
our bed with seven other mares
look out! the soldiers are coming!
Track Name: prayer
sold my skin for all their cancer
what do you want from me?
i will not clinic you easy
i am holding conversations:
limp gazelles in my arms
we are absolutely calm
(so tell me)
w h e r e do you put your cock in?
w h e n do you put your cock in?
h o w do you sleep your cock in?
w h y do you keep your cock in?
Track Name: o jarhead! o wife!
i gave birth to body white collected to my thighs
held her there, between my legs, and brought my knees up high
and she slid out, i don't know how (my body is not big enough)
you left your meat all in the leaves, gathering sweat from the graves
you body cistern, i brought you a sister from what holes i could not crave
but i'll go, and be brave: i only have faith in what is good
- - - - - - - - - - -
i knew a boy who built an aviary
he gathered all the wood that he could carry
i pulled from his chest to get blind from the bees
and we exchanged helium because we're tired of ceilings
i found him bucked out like a jarhead
his antlers found seaweed from an ocean bed
and he carried carvings of his own geography
but had he stabbed his own eyes out so he couldn't see
(blind-drawn maps all over his hands)
- - - - - - - - - - -
i said:
“i don't want to be yr wife!
i couldn't stand to do this my whole life!
my breast milk is heavy
and you don't have the strength to help me with this baby!”
- - - - - - - - - - -
and when we pull out of each other, i ask you if you can tug me off
you ask me if i can put you out like
"what fire" &
"drag the shit from each other"
"all the fluids from your mother"
i can barely stand in your lake disease again w/ your vomit up to my waist
- - - - - - - - - - -
and in the hospital they ask me if i know where your parts go
but i tell them your body isn't made from skin they know
Track Name: hymn/her
"my eyes closed in the club" - j. stewart
Track Name: _____ is water
made myself a map of folds to fuck and feel and feign as meat
and all my bronze is breathing, blind painting, my body's a disease
your closet's full of dead birds, the stables in your mouth are awake
all my weight is wet, the wallpaper is coming off my face
p l e a s e : p u l l a l l t h e w h a l e s o u t o f m e !
did you know:
i ate all the rivers!
all of me
____ is water &
so are you
Track Name: (s)mother
the doctors told him he'd be gone by now
his lungs full of blankets: burnt, black, and bound
he buried his family in the backyard
flooded the basement, filled it up with tar
we borrowed their old clothes and then we undressed
we stole a trampoline and made it our mattress
and slept with all the house lights on
waiting for them to come home
he said: “it’s so much easier to believe in nothing
it’s so easy to wait impatiently to die”
he pulled his pants around his ankles
he showed me all the places he went purple
because he held too hard his own skin
since no one else would touch him
and i (s)mothered him, beastly
and we shared our severed head dreams
i held him where the sickness was
and i nursed him through the night
and we stayed that way all night
(let's go to sleep now we'll talk about it in the morning)
Track Name: wild dogs: divorce!
we wed behind the old house, offered our skin
removed it from our branches, and let it be curtains
and i asked him where he put the bones;
and i asked her where she put the bones
―they fed them to the horses!
we shivered and kissed our linen loud
and held the holy spirit in our mouths
and my beard did break when it found his face
and my beard did break when it found her face
but there's still one light in one house, far in fields from the city
one light is a forest fire left running in the pantry
one light is a campfire in the living room for reptiles
(who promise they'll get new skin, between the wars, at nightfall)
wild dogs: can i confess, i never wanted this marriage!
coming home to wife and kids and failed science experiments!
tear down all the laundry lines! get the sickness out of me!
…and we danced to "cecilia," like i did with my mother
stomping loud, we filled the kitchen up with each other
we shaved our heads clean and left off the lighthouse
kept clothes for ransom while he pulled the lakes out
& he confessed a gravedigger shared with him his bed
(i got up to wash my face
when i come back to bed
someone’s taken my place)
& i pulled the telephones right out of his head
he quit his job, pulled his teeth, & moved down to the harbour
he stole all my money to pay for the lawyers
now he's a whalekiller in the wasteland for hire
he can only get it up when you set him on fire
i was lost between her mouth and my mouth and a to z
we sinned together, or at least that’s what she said
and now my bashed head can't sew his blood on my back
we are broke for bricks and the house is quiet
Track Name: after the glandolinian war
after the glandolinian war we can all finally sleep sound
Track Name: carpenter/rebuild the body out of birds
there's a bulk of birds in your bonfire head
and you sleep with one eye open
you slice away your arms like bread
to butter with your semen
your hair is knots of nooses
you could strangle strange and lonely
carpenter! sleep gardens red,
and rearrange your body!
because in the dark we all sound the same
our bodies are blistered from needing
i made you a bed from pieces of my legs
and you sorely sat there, bleeding
animal sister boy, could i have kept you?
is there a way of wood to protect you?
sent from houses stripped & cold, i carried on my back
piano planks & forestry for shelter in your chest
you are sores & red flesh, let's sleep again
sin our way through secrets & cause all the violence
―let's leave our bodies!
pull our "skin" from these "bones"
and this "house" from these "homes”
Track Name: 1990 was a long year and we are all out of hot water now
let the stove get hot: we need heat
to harm all the house with our teeth
because i can't make dinner properly
you are a girl with a cock? i am a boy who can't talk?
warm the analphabet soup to grind all the milk out of you
we share the kitchen table and vomit the newspaper
back & forth
but can i talk to you?
i'd like a word with you!
(let's invent a whole new language)
divorce lawyers i shaved my head; she shaved her head
―we are new
standing near the window, she pulls her pants down a little
and says: "do you see where i used to be a boy?"
i say: "i've had it in my mouth
i swallowed the evidence down, and
the children we wanted around
have stayed in my stomach to drown"
she panics and says:
"this is all i have in my hands—
i want to forget who i am
i want to fuck and forget who i am"
and so we swallow faucets and spit hot water between our lips
like: what would we say instead?
and we gather our hair like bark from backyards where
we force the fire to spread with sawdust carved from our heads
where did you put my autobiography?
where did you put all the wood for the winter?
where did you thrust all the oil we kept up?
and how do we get warm?
how do we stay warm?

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