divorce lawyers i shaved my head

by jordaan mason and the horse museum

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Mackenzie Lageson
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Mackenzie Lageson Back in high school, happening upon this album was tantamount to finding religion. Every song walks that sweet, shivery line between eccentric "weird folk" and true outsider art--encompassing both definitions, yet confined by neither. This record holds a singular place in my heart, and I hope all the best for Jordaan Mason and their future artistic works. Favorite track: 1990 was a long year and we are all out of hot water now.
heckicus_doomicus_wizardus
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heckicus_doomicus_wizardus This album changed my life and I can never thank Jordaan enough for it, so I'll say it here. Thank you Jordaan for changing my life :) Favorite track: 1990 was a long year and we are all out of hot water now.
saladsburneraccount
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saladsburneraccount an album that refuses to not leave me speechless everytime. the documentary that recently came out about it is also really cool and i definitely recommend it! Favorite track: wild dogs: divorce!.
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    includes a PDF booklet with lyrics & liner notes.
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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    back by popular demand - the second pressing of "divorce lawyers i shaved my head." same artwork + design as the first pressing (full lyrics in a gatefold sleeve). please note that orders will begin shipping in early 2022 (it says 10 days because bandcamp makes you select a timeframe, but i am estimating february, though timelines can change when doing vinyl orders), so please provide an address that will still be relevant then and/or update your address if you move prior to the shipping date. i will contact all buyers prior to sending them out just to be sure i have accurate addresses.

    Includes unlimited streaming of divorce lawyers i shaved my head via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    shipping out on or around February 1, 2022
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 23 jordaan mason releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of stay strange: live recordings, scattered seeds / collected dirt, volume 2, a kid like you could never understand, earth to ursa minor EP, live at st. george the martyr church, earth to ursa major, thank you for contributing to the decline of stupid fucking western civilization, together not together, and 15 more. , and , .

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  • 10th anniversary limited edition double LP
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    "divorce lawyers i shaved my head" is 10 years old on june 6, 2019! to celebrate, the album has been reissued as a limited edition double LP in a gatefold jacket with slightly redesigned cover artwork and a completely redesigned interior to include all of the lyrics.

    Includes unlimited streaming of divorce lawyers i shaved my head via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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1.
bird's nest 04:02
my mouth is filled with his ovaries. i hold them, here: between my teeth. o (dentist) get these birds nests out of me! (my body is not big enough) how do you fertilize what cannot be?
2.
he slept in my bed after i filled his body w/ insects & panic & grandfather sewn seeds i was useless inside him! trade organs for oceans! is there a vaccine for this to clean out all the unborn kids? (a whole graveyard here in this bed) he broke me good where the landlord left scars emptied all the bedrooms to reclaim the stretch marks we were to our throats in grass! we tore down the treehouses! & our brothers were kindling for the lovesongs that we couldn't sing because we drowned all our songs in the bathtub (you could hear them way up in the rafters) & the preachers sleeping in the attic stole them all for scriptures so we sing nothing, now our mothers ask us how we pray with the lights out for songs to fill our mouths
3.
avalanches 02:17
if snow is flesh in gardens: we don't have mouths to talk about it between avalanches: we can find our language between fire blankets: we can speak our language but if snow is like skin then it pulls away so easy, dragged from the body what if all stripped wood is branches and all frozen lakes are water? then our bodies will be avalanches
4.
you fuck like a racehorse! it's your wedding day, say: yes you want to be pollinated, frays of friction far too sacred we survive between our hunger, dig our heads into the water memorize your casket your mother patterns the space between your legs i grab what's good of you you pluck fruit from my endless head re-arrange them to make your salt sweat bite snakes down for better shelter fridge your orgasm make it colder we put our blood in bags we don't want water & you hold me close inside the slaughter you look so much better without that shit in your hair i mean: saddles if you need them, but i could ride you bare you can swallow shotguns if you want to there are bullets in your paintings, if you want them there are hooks to hang your kill there are floodboards rising upwards fields our fathers fled from, and bedrooms we don't dare go to i would like a word with you! you can swallow shotguns if you want to and you can shed the lions from your songs take the blankets off! show me under your clothes the tattoos you don't have but believe me: your body knows! you can swallow shotguns if you want to it's your wedding day, say: yes say: aprons or rifles, anarchist? sleep in the slaughterhouses? quilts quiet made from our spit? i am letting all you horses go (you are better wild my arms are coming out)
5.
i'm sharing this bed with seven sisters & you i'm holding a baseball bat between us the soldiers are coming! & there's an illiteracy between our legs where parts of me are you and parts of you are me i'm wearing the costumes of children so i can confuse, become them but how do you know what's underneath what kind of creature is in me? there's an illiteracy between our legs (i've tried to ignore it) this part that part which part both parts please say wrong parts which word safe word "do you have a safe word?” "i don't have a safe word!” she shows me a constellation of bites and marks i've left on her body of bruises from the way we share our bed with seven other mares look out! the soldiers are coming!
6.
prayer 02:18
sold my skin for all their cancer what do you want from me? i will not clinic you easy i am holding conversations: limp gazelles in my arms we are absolutely calm (so tell me) w h e r e do you put your cock in? w h e n do you put your cock in? h o w do you sleep your cock in? w h y do you keep your cock in?
7.
i gave birth to body white collected to my thighs held her there, between my legs, and brought my knees up high and she slid out, i don't know how (my body is not big enough) you left your meat all in the leaves, gathering sweat from the graves you body cistern, i brought you a sister from what holes i could not crave but i'll go, and be brave: i only have faith in what is good - - - - - - - - - - - i knew a boy who built an aviary he gathered all the wood that he could carry i pulled from his chest to get blind from the bees and we exchanged helium because we're tired of ceilings i found him bucked out like a jarhead his antlers found seaweed from an ocean bed and he carried carvings of his own geography but had he stabbed his own eyes out so he couldn't see (blind-drawn maps all over his hands) - - - - - - - - - - - i said: “i don't want to be yr wife! i couldn't stand to do this my whole life! my breast milk is heavy and you don't have the strength to help me with this baby!” - - - - - - - - - - - and when we pull out of each other, i ask you if you can tug me off you ask me if i can put you out like "what fire" & "drag the shit from each other" "all the fluids from your mother" i can barely stand in your lake disease again w/ your vomit up to my waist - - - - - - - - - - - and in the hospital they ask me if i know where your parts go but i tell them your body isn't made from skin they know
8.
hymn/her 01:52
"my eyes closed in the club" - j. stewart
9.
made myself a map of folds to fuck and feel and feign as meat and all my bronze is breathing, blind painting, my body's a disease your closet's full of dead birds, the stables in your mouth are awake all my weight is wet, the wallpaper is coming off my face p l e a s e : p u l l a l l t h e w h a l e s o u t o f m e ! did you know: i ate all the rivers! all of me ____ is water & so are you
10.
(s)mother 04:18
the doctors told him he'd be gone by now his lungs full of blankets: burnt, black, and bound he buried his family in the backyard flooded the basement, filled it up with tar we borrowed their old clothes and then we undressed we stole a trampoline and made it our mattress and slept with all the house lights on waiting for them to come home he said: “it’s so much easier to believe in nothing it’s so easy to wait impatiently to die” he pulled his pants around his ankles he showed me all the places he went purple because he held too hard his own skin since no one else would touch him and i (s)mothered him, beastly and we shared our severed head dreams i held him where the sickness was and i nursed him through the night and we stayed that way all night (let's go to sleep now we'll talk about it in the morning)
11.
we wed behind the old house, offered our skin removed it from our branches, and let it be curtains and i asked him where he put the bones; and i asked her where she put the bones ―they fed them to the horses! we shivered and kissed our linen loud and held the holy spirit in our mouths and my beard did break when it found his face and my beard did break when it found her face but there's still one light in one house, far in fields from the city one light is a forest fire left running in the pantry one light is a campfire in the living room for reptiles (who promise they'll get new skin, between the wars, at nightfall) wild dogs: can i confess, i never wanted this marriage! coming home to wife and kids and failed science experiments! tear down all the laundry lines! get the sickness out of me! …and we danced to "cecilia," like i did with my mother stomping loud, we filled the kitchen up with each other we shaved our heads clean and left off the lighthouse kept clothes for ransom while he pulled the lakes out & he confessed a gravedigger shared with him his bed (i got up to wash my face when i come back to bed someone’s taken my place) & i pulled the telephones right out of his head he quit his job, pulled his teeth, & moved down to the harbour he stole all my money to pay for the lawyers now he's a whalekiller in the wasteland for hire he can only get it up when you set him on fire i was lost between her mouth and my mouth and a to z we sinned together, or at least that’s what she said and now my bashed head can't sew his blood on my back we are broke for bricks and the house is quiet
12.
after the glandolinian war we can all finally sleep sound
13.
there's a bulk of birds in your bonfire head and you sleep with one eye open you slice away your arms like bread to butter with your semen your hair is knots of nooses you could strangle strange and lonely carpenter! sleep gardens red, and rearrange your body! because in the dark we all sound the same our bodies are blistered from needing i made you a bed from pieces of my legs and you sorely sat there, bleeding animal sister boy, could i have kept you? is there a way of wood to protect you? sent from houses stripped & cold, i carried on my back piano planks & forestry for shelter in your chest you are sores & red flesh, let's sleep again sin our way through secrets & cause all the violence ―let's leave our bodies! pull our "skin" from these "bones" and this "house" from these "homes”
14.
let the stove get hot: we need heat to harm all the house with our teeth because i can't make dinner properly you are a girl with a cock? i am a boy who can't talk? warm the analphabet soup to grind all the milk out of you we share the kitchen table and vomit the newspaper back & forth but can i talk to you? i'd like a word with you! (let's invent a whole new language) divorce lawyers i shaved my head; she shaved her head ―we are new standing near the window, she pulls her pants down a little and says: "do you see where i used to be a boy?" i say: "i've had it in my mouth i swallowed the evidence down, and the children we wanted around have stayed in my stomach to drown" she panics and says: "this is all i have in my hands— i want to forget who i am i want to fuck and forget who i am" and so we swallow faucets and spit hot water between our lips like: what would we say instead? and we gather our hair like bark from backyards where we force the fire to spread with sawdust carved from our heads where did you put my autobiography? where did you put all the wood for the winter? where did you thrust all the oil we kept up? and how do we get warm? how do we stay warm?

about

wandered around small towns in the middle of the night until the feet stung and swelled; woke up in hospitals after black-outs; fell in love with a boy but a girl but a boy but a girl; thought long about what is that thing between my legs; shaved my head. no identity, now.

then a lot of us started singing, banging, breaking. what was once a single voice grew into many. one broke an arm, one wrote a book, one kept bees, two were bashed, two finished degrees, more & more came in and out of rooms. after many more black-outs and long nights hollering until the throat stung, we had 'divorce lawyers i shaved my head,' an album that amalgamates sexual histories into a story about a failed marriage between two people of confused genders and identities taking place during a glandolinian war in 1990.

if you are interested in learning more about this album, you can watch the documentary jake bellissimo made for free here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qxtgHJuXBU

credits

released June 6, 2009

T H E H O R S E M U S E U M :

dee addario (vox, banjo, cough)
jason aviss (trombone)
sarah ayton (vox, piano, accordion)
kristina born (flute)
shaun brodie (trumpet)
cheryl ernst (vox, bass clarinet, clarinet)
tara fillion (hand-claps)
cory harper-latkovich (cello)
kate larson (vox, hand-claps)
richard laviolette (vox)
jordaan mason (vox/illiteracy, guitar, singing saw, bowed cymbal, banjo [6], accordion [12], percussion, hand-claps, noise/tapes, music box)
jason "sticks" mccrimmon (drums/percussion, dulcimer)
jiaqing wilson-yang (upright bass, floor creaks)

"divorce lawyers i shaved my head" was recorded/mixed by bryar gray & jordaan mason at the oxford hotel, bryar's house, and st. george the martyr church (all in toronto) from december 2007 - march 2009, except "o jarhead! o wife!" which was recorded/mixed by mat vuksinich at das gasthaus in arcata, california in may 2007. the songs were written by jordaan & arranged by the horse museum. the album art was photographed & designed by tara fillion.

in various stages the museum grew and shrank, and other members not present on this recording include matt gordon, bryar gray, keith hamilton, d. alex meeks, jordan "o'jordan" smith, matt ross, dan scarfone, dylan taylor, and simon thrasher.

if you are interested in hearing more from this collective, check out these projects which all include members of this band:
klessa.bandcamp.com
sayton.bandcamp.com
ephemerus.bandcamp.com
mood-swings.bandcamp.com
guiltmountain.bandcamp.com
redsledchoir.bandcamp.com
jiaqingwilsonyang.bandcamp.com
richardlaviolette.bandcamp.com
listen.subpixelmusic.com
holyhauntedhead.bandcamp.com
queersongbook.com
clarinetpanicdeluxx.bandcamp.com
jordanojordan.bandcamp.com
beamsbeams.bandcamp.com

if you like this album and also care about the well-being of dogs, consider buying this comp which features a stripped-down version of the song "wild dogs: divorce!"
cryaboutitrecords.bandcamp.com/album/for-dogs-by-dogs-charity-comp

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jordaan mason Toronto, Ontario

a confused human being singing songs about being a confused human being (they/them).

note to listeners: if you would like a digital download but can't afford it, just get in touch at the contact link below & i will get you a download code, no questions asked. if you like the music i want you to have it, so please get in touch.

linktree below to find social media, merch, other fun things. xo!
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