Head blank.
Head blank, then flowing over.

Sometimes colours of another time present themselves as if they were the present,
But how can I be in the moment when every moment is the death of another moment, and another day is another day I still don't have the words, just "grief," and what a word, what a river of a word, it overflows, it overflows, it overflows.

If you let it in is it easier to swim
While you look out at the city and think: I'm a failure.
Is that what falling in love is?
Failing.
Letting the buildings come down on you.
Pulling a tooth til it's loose.
Sometimes we fail but
Being a failure is just failing consistently.
(Failing consistently. Failing consistently.)
Place your hands on a window.
Light a candle in a prayer.
While you look out at the city and think: I’m a failure.
(Failing consistently. Failing consistently.)

Do you have enough wood to build your own house?
Is that what you're supposed to do with your body?
Put it in a building, live there, die there, set it on fire when you're ready.

Why do I follow you, or anything.
I guess I'd like to believe in something
But I'm not sure what, or how.
Keep swimming.
Keep your head above water.
Not every river is for drowning in
Even if it feels like
That's all a current is for.
That can’t be all that a current is for.

Some days I don’t know about the colours.
Trying to see something
In everything.
It’s been weird on this road for a while.
There’s some bricks I just don’t think I can carry anymore.
Most of the time nothing feels real anyway.

Thinking homeward.
Putting a door on my head.
Something to shut or open up.
Another quiet night leaving scratches in all the ways
I came to claim some sense of self –
A map. A maze. A place I couldn’t locate.
Seeing it sever.
What was it ever before and how does it seem
To change and stay the same, I look outside.
I try to come
Close enough to someone else.
And you warn me:
What happens to me because of anyone else is just
Random.

Will you help me carry these rocks?
I’m trying to build something.
I’m trying to build something.
When it’s done, I think I’ll know.
When it’s done, I think I’ll know.

Will you still be here?
Will you still be here?
Will you still?
Be. Here.