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liturgy part three

from earth to ursa major by jordaan mason

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lyrics

she said, “i'm not satisfied with being surrounded. i need you to break skin. i need you to break skin.” i said, “all of this could be avoided if i had a shovel, if i could dig out of this body i am in.” she found me again in the library digging up rhymes for a sonnet. she said, “don't focus on the meter. just try to be honest.” so of course a pattern formed of “i promise! i promise! i promise!” i said, “i promise! i promise! i promise! i won't let anyone bring you harm again.”

between a gallop and a trot is a canter! and a light that is lit is a lantern! and a speech that cannot reach remains just words and they reside by your bedside and they will stay there, unheard! except at night when the light's out and you drift into dream and even there you'll be too scared to tell them what you mean! see: a river isn't done until a river is done! how can i go another day without swimming to the sun? how can i go another day without saying what i want to say? i bite my tongue and worry: will the worry go away? i tried to be like him—all cuss and spit—but something in me broke! i still need privacy especially as i grieve so please let me alone!

i almost confessed but immediate regret made me quell my voice. i got closer and i shook him as the violence overtook and i said right in his ear: “what is it like to not want to die?”

(“and we all will sleep at the bottom of the river…”)

“i promise! i promise! i promise! i won't let anyone bring you harm again.”

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from earth to ursa major, released May 31, 2018

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jordaan mason Toronto, Ontario

a confused human being singing songs about being a confused human being

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