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grief poem (everything's collapsing)

from earth to ursa major by jordaan mason

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lyrics

on the news, a man said i did not exist! he said he would not acknowledge my body, my blood! he said he would not acknowledge the ways his words unraveled me! i shouted at the television (even if the words went to nobody). i said, “there's nothing wrong with my body, sir!” but he didn't hear me—he was too busy setting the world on fire.

so here i am again crying at what i don't even believe in. here i am again not knowing if or when i'll see my far away friends. god i want to bear-hug so many people that i can't!

on the news a man said, “she asked for it.” he then gave a definition of what he called “consent”—he said, “she was wearing clothes that clearly showed what he sought, and so he got her drunk and took her home. haven't you learned yet that this is what friends do? and boys will be boys, men will be men, this world is not for you!”

on the news a man said, “another one gunned down! but hey, we're here to help you, as long as you stay on the ground.” they only saw his skin, so soon the bullets hit, and now a widow makes the beds at night for her frightened children who have to watch officials say they saved us from a villain, and that a uniform once it’s worn protects from retribution!

so here i am again crying at what i don't even believe in. here i am again not knowing if or when i'll see my far away friends. god i want to bear-hug so many people that i can't!

in the meantime, we're filling buckets with water. i guess we'll put out the fire when we're done getting warm on the embers!

the noise in my head feels louder or perhaps i've just become quieter. all i know is it's all i can hear: a voice that says i should disappear! see: they want to erase us! or at least put us in cages! and then call it a nation! well, i'm losing my patience!

oh, please don't go to the movies! or, if you must, then let's sneak in for free and we'll leave before the ending.

you know—so we don't have to watch ourselves die!

credits

from earth to ursa major, released May 31, 2018

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jordaan mason Toronto, Ontario

a confused human being singing songs about being a confused human being

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